My Mom Was An Alien

It's not generally known, but I'm a product of alien/human interbreeding, and it has profoundly affected my life in several important ways.

1. I can't vote. It's not that they won't let me... my off-world senses don't tell me which crook is the lesser of two evils.
2. I can't work without a green card, and they won't issue one to off-worlders like myself -- I wasn't born, I was hatched -- and with pods instead of fingers, it's hard to type -- maybe gardening?
3. The only work I can get these days is waiting tables at the A'LE'Inn here in Rachel, Nevada, just a few miles from our vehicle's crash site at Area 51.
4. I can't find clothing to fit me, except these t-shirts, and without a tie and jacket I can't get into any of the great disco clubs around town.
5. I have no security clearance, so I can't use the rest room.