Pope's Head on Backwards

It went unnoticed for several minutes during the Blessing Ceremony, but apparently Pope Benedict XVI's head had been stuck on backwards the whole time. Repair to the alien-dominated robot that has taken the place of the Pope, who is now reportedly in a UFO hovering somewhere over New Jersey, was made quickly and efficiently. No one in the extensive crowd considered it odd.

With head correctly on frontwards, the Pope made his way through the crowd to the nearby Gelato stand on the piazza.

Unusual Roast Tops Festivities

Most people don't know this, but it takes very little to roast anything. Merely suspending a roast above an open fire will do the job. This pagan ceremony is held near Moscow every June 28, the celebration of the summer solstice.
Rotate and bast as necessary.

Queen Elizabeth at Summer Camp

Here we see Queen Elizabeth II coming out of her teepee at Camp Winnamonga in upper New York State's Catskill Mountains.
The Queen started her own campfire, cooked some wieners and marshmallows over the campfire, then responsibly doused the fire, buried the ashes and dispersed the ring stones.
Her Majesty is a renowned camper and has camped on the White House lawn as well as in the rose garden of her palatial flat in London's famous West End.
All campers stay in teepees at Camp Winnamonga -- they learn to handle canoes and how to track animals. In this photo, Her Majesty is on the way over to the Nature Hut to play with the new baby elephant, a gift of the Maharaja of Purdistan.

Aliens Attack UK

Aliens resembling those known to be from the Orion Group appeared today all over Great Britain, England and the UK, and proceeded toward the United Kingdom, where they opened packages of frozen yogurt and dried apricots and shared.
When asked why they were here on planet Earth, their leader responded,
"Haven't a clue, old chap. The Big Ones don't tell us anything."
Orions look just enough like earthlings to pass among us with a minor amount of plastic surgery. These two could almost pass with nothing more than a bit of makeup and an earthian costume of some kind.

New Deodorant Stuns Thousands

A new underarm deodorant that actually magnifies the effect of high adrenalin and sweat gland secretions has hit the market and taken thousands by surprise. Witness this demonstration by the man in the red jacket, who has raised his arms for only a few moments. The entire crowd went out like a light; most recovered after a few moments of oxegenation by a rescue team.

McChrystal Exclusive Interview

We scheduled our personal private exclusive interview with General McChrystal, pictured here wearing a fuzzy green Astral Sombrero as he enters the White House lawn...um, what was I saying? Oh, yes...we scheduled our personal private exclusive interview with General McChrystal several weeks ago for this morning, which would have followed his brief interview with President Barack Obama.
Unfortunately, we neglected to notify the general's office of the upcoming event, of which they had no record whatever.
"Maybe we should have sent out an email or something," somebody in my office suggested.
"But we didn't," said somebody else, someone I thought I recognized after several decades.
"Well, what the hell", said somebody in the back of the room, so we all thought, "Yeah, what the hell."
As it turns out, we were right... and now, the sports.

Alien Hairstyle Voted Most Popular

The aliens have it, at least in the realm of hairstyles, this season. The alien look is sweeping the planet, and just about every single hairdresser has seen an enormous increase in demand for the new style.
Alien scissors must be used for the process -- they tend to be expensive, which is why the "do" can cost upwards of U.S. $10,000.00 and in the upscale salons and spas, you might have to pay more.